...What it feels to decline something u wanted all your life...

Its been sometime since i have spoken..and ofcourse i am making the blog open..i am thinking of sharing some information...

I was invited to japan by university of tsukuba...more than anything Prof.Sankai had personally signed my invite...its such a honour for me...from my child hood i have worked all alone..questioning and reasoning so many things..i had taken sucha great risk in choosing brain to machine interface as master thesis..thing is nobody was there to guide me..i had to work so hard..to learn electronics and science..to implement certain things...

..and i am just a ordinary dust particle before everybody to recognize my work and invite me..i feel so honored...thank you god for giving me sucha a life filled with love,respect,knowledge and honor...

..there were two interviews..one for research assistantship(RA) and another for PHD...i cldnt get thru RA for i didnt have experience ..but got my PHD admit in the university of tsukuba...and i didnt get in cybernics dept...one of the reason for not taking my PHD...

..mind u this is my dream!!!! imagine doing PHD in japan wow!...in robotics :)!..

..money is quite important in life..i didnt get a scholarship i really cldnt take a risk as i took in my masters where three years was so difficult so was it after i came out..still i have not recovered...

..doing my PHD in a similar way ..living is so costly in japan i really cant afford such a thing..i cant even a year...actually it was right forward for me..if i dont get scholarship i am not going..i didnt know if i cld get if i go there...

only now..thinking..instead of sitting at 10.30 pm at office on a holiday writing a c code.. makes me think..shld have i taken???...

..thats painfull...really painful.....i cldnt afford straight forward...god!i touched it..god! i touched it...still i cldnt hold on...

i remember when i was the captain of my football in college..in the semifinals..i missed a shot just over the cross bar..game went into penalty and we lost...

..i remember those painful moments...so as losing people...so thats how it is..what it feels to decline something you wanted all your life...